1000 Words from Iraq

Luck or fate?

I’ve been in Iraq for almost six months now and I’ve never had to discharge my weapon.  I leave the gate about four times a week and I’ve never been in a convoy that has been attacked.  I’ve vaguely known people who have died here, but have been fortunate enough not to have lost any of my close friends.  I live on a camp that regularly gets attacked with mortars, which land randomly, without warning or aim, and I haven’t been hit. 
Is this luck? 
If it is, I live every day expecting that my luck will run out.  If not, sometimes I feel that God is playing funny tricks on me. 
It’s the suspense that kills me.  We could have a week where the mortars come in constantly and once the mortars stop, we all get tense.  After a few weeks without an attack, we’re all waiting for when the next one will happen.  Mortar explosions have become a daily reminder of just how very much my life is changed here.
I drive down the road knowing that at any moment a bomb could explode, taking off my legs, or worse.  I lie awake at night, knowing that any moment a mortar could come crashing into my trailer and that’d be it.  And you can’t do anything about it.  You can’t fight back against a bomb, against people who blow things up and run away. 
It’s a frightening existence if you allow yourself to think about it very often.  Every time a door slams, I jump.  I’m going to be a basket case when I finally get home.I must leave my life to chance, fate or God here in Iraq.  I hate the lack of control I have over my life. 

posted by Blair Heusdens @ 9:12 PM