Military Relationships
As someone who’s marrying a Marine in a few months, this topic interests me. In the few years I’ve been in the Army, I’ve seen relationships that work and those that have fallen apart.
At our military journalism school, inter-service relationships were common, but I guess they probably are at every AIT. The instructors warn everyone at the beginning of class not to bother because most AIT relationships don’t work out. It’s a running joke between the instructors and drill sergeants who are constantly dealing with the drama that comes with young people and dating. (BTW, this is where I met my fiancé, while we were both at an advanced photography course.)
In AIT, everybody’s hormones are running wild after being in basic for the last 8 weeks without sex. Our AIT was pretty lax, so everybody was always hooking up.
In the Army, relationships are only wrong when they’re between officers and enlisted or people who are directly in your chain of command. But military relationships really aren’t encouraged anywhere.
Another phenomenon I’ve noticed in the military is the number of servicemembers who marry young. It seems like every young Joe over here is married. Most of them got married right before they left.
I think there are several reasons to discourage military relationships. First of all, the military is made up of people from across the country. When you meet someone and get involved, there’s inevitably the question of, what do we do when we get out? And usually, the military brings people together under strenuous and unique circumstances, you’re away from your family, you don’t know anyone, you’re in a strange place… and you’re more likely to want to find someone to talk to, to make you feel better. But, again, what happens when the party’s over?
You get transferred to another post, you get out of the military, one of you gets deployed… are relationships strong enough to survive?
Here in Iraq, there’s a common saying, “What happens in Iraq, stays in Iraq.” Actually, this saying is applied a lot of places in the military… for example, “What happens on AT stays on AT” or whatever… This is the excuse most people use here to cheat on their spouses and girlfriends.
Sometimes it seems like there are a lot of people here who are looking for love in all the wrong places. There are a handful of women here and every guy you talk to is looking to hook up with one of them.
There are a few “relationships” that are springing up around here among the people I know. Sometimes I find myself fighting the urge to tell them that this is the wrong place and the wrong time, that they’re only going to get hurt, that it’s not what they need to be thinking about right now.
But then I think of my fiancé. When I went to the class we met at, the last thing on my mind was finding a boyfriend. I was about to leave for Iraq and I knew a commitment of any kind was the last thing I needed. But, a week after I met him, I knew we were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. I know it sounds cheesy and it’s been hard as hell making things work for the last 10 months, but I still don’t regret any of it. He’s the one. And if it weren’t for the military, we wouldn’t have met.
So, there’s this other part of me that says, “Don’t limit yourself, you can’t shut out the possibility of true love.”
18 Comments:
You go girl,, stick with your heart!
Hang in there!
I am in your situation. I met a man a few weeks before he left for Iraq. He is coming home soon. We stay in touch everyday. How do I know if it is real? I think it is. Should I hang in there?
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