Scary stuff
This weekend we drove to the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, MD. My fiance’s roommate had just gone back to Iraq for the second time and was injured in an explosion. His injuries are pretty serious but he’s going to be okay.
I was definitely a little nervous about going into the hospital. I was worried about my Marine and whether he’d be okay seeing what we’d see there, and I was also worried about how I’d react to what we’d see there.
We only went to the surgical ward, where most of the patients were in their beds and not walking around the halls for us to see. As we were walking around this huge building, I realized that most of the patients that filled this hospital were injured from the war. And these were just the Navy and Marines, the others are taken somewhere else.
The visit did two things for me. First, it reinforced my belief that I can make more of a difference as a nurse in the military and made me even more impatient to get my degree. But it has also left me obsessed with the idea that I’m going to have to go back. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for the last week, having to go back to Iraq, and I’m scared as hell.
I’ll be joining a public affairs unit here in Florida soon. I’ve already spoken to the commander and went in for an interview. She said they don’t have “anything on the radar” and aren’t expecting to be deployed anytime soon, but I’ve heard that line before. It’s not that I’ll refuse to go back if I have to, but the realization of how lucky I am to have come back at all from my last deployment is setting in and I’m not sure that I want to tempt fate again.
That person in the hospital bed could have been me. It could have been any of my friends that I was deployed with. And if I have to go back again, I’ll have to take that risk one more time.
I don’t want this to consume my life like it did for the year that we were activated before we were deployed. During that year, I cut myself off from the world. I wouldn’t make new friends because I knew that I was just going to be leaving. I wouldn’t start a new job or get into school because I knew that I’d just have to quit. Everything I did, I did with that thought in the back of my mind and I was absolutely miserable. I really don’t want to go back to playing that waiting game.
5 Comments:
Blair, I thought you were DONE!!!!
Hang in there, Blair. The only predictable thing about life is that it is unpredictable. Don't worry about what tomorrow may bring, follow your heart and work on your degree to become a nurse. I'm sure you'll make a great one, you have so much love and kindness to offer. But, please don't stop writing in your blog, those of us who have grown to care about you will want to know how you're doing. Good luck......to you and your Marine.
I am hoping you will share your story.
christensen oconnor johnson kindness
Do you ever wonder why some people excel in life while others seem to fade away. What makes one persons life more fulfilling that another. I have been studying this my whole life . What did these people do that made them great thinkers, achievers, Great People, writers and philanthropists.
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